Blog

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09/10/24 : 15:35 (british format)

hate everything

hello neocities, audience of 0, i've tried to line out my thoughts. i dont sound like the average she⁄they pronoun haver‚ and i'll probably not correct anyone‚ but thats because im really trying to figure shit out. its slowly becoming a real chance of me being transfem but it feels awkward having people i know⁄dont using she pronouns if i dont exactly feel like that on the outside, if you get what i mean? like i feel like․ my voice and appearance․ what im looking for here is like embarrassment or shame․ based off of how i am currently, my sense of humour, everything, it doesn't feel correct to use those pronouns. i feel like i would be percivied as one of those "fakers" and im still unsure of my identity. if you're missing the context of the original post, i'll hand you an excerpt.

"if i think about it for a little while i wouldn't at all mind being female. sometimes i feel like maybe my life could be inherently better. but at the same time i wouldn't have issues with being a feminine male. i hate figuring out my identity, and i really dont like that trans healthcare has been fucked over in the UK."

like i said here, trans healthcare has been fucked over in the UK. even if i made a decision it wouldn't matter. shit sucks. hard to think. dont want to think about it. i want to think about it. its a whole load of everything and i actively loathe myself.

07/10/24 : 23:04 (british format)

gender posting

im really fucking homosexual. i love men. but im conflicted on pronouns. im leaning towards more feminine but im not entirely sure if im transfem if you get me. if i think about it for a little while i wouldn't at all mind being female. sometimes i feel like maybe my life could be inherently better. but at the same time i wouldn't have issues with being a feminine male. i hate figuring out my identity, and i really dont like that trans healthcare has been fucked over in the UK. i really hate that i've hit male puberty and i cant like. i dunno its hard to explain. a hold a lot of disdain for my male parts, but i don't know if thats the fact i have to deal with the hypersexuality of being exposed to tons of crap online, or gender dysphoria. i think for a little while i've found it upsetting but i honestly cant remember all that well.

07/10/24 : 22:55 (british format)

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

attempting to reconnecting with an old friend from when i was 9-10. iirc i was a massive asshole to them and really want to apologise for who i was now that i've matured.

07/10/24 : 21:33 (british format)

why am i so cringe

i swear to god when i'm given the chance to depict myself different, i do, until i slow burn and return to the person i hate. these previous blog posts are so fucking cringe?? ong?? why the fuck was i throwing around a little emoticon at the end? i would be lying if i said i wouldn't want to be that. the ability to not be depressed 24/7 and have constant self awareness. i find some way to get into conflict everyday. i guess i've just been wanting to take it easy lately but its pretty hard in today's online climate on top of my mental health.

02/10/24 : 14:32 (british format)

multiple post tests

wow isn't this neat if it works? i've got 2 blog posts on screen. if you're wondering how this system works, im literally putting this hard into the HTML within neocities. it would be neat to have a piece of software that would do this, but i guess i'll do that later. '^'

02/10/24 : 14:30 (british format)

what to write and where to pirate?

hey, just setting up the blog here. i dunno what to write here, but its nice to know that you're reading this atleast. throw me a message @ jermameatgrinder on discord if you're reading this. anywho, what do i write here? im mainly just blabbering so i can see if this thing handles line breaks well. while your here you should check out https://reddit.com/r/piracy's megathread! if you cant afford a VPN or your parents are strict, i'd recommend the direct downloads and streaming sites. its like prety much the only way i can watch some shows due to UK netflix being absolutely fucking awful. just remember to use UBlock origin. OH also there are a few good direct download switch rom websites that you can use with the archived ryujinx ver. alright, cya.